Hey there, can I wake up in the morning and lost all my memories?
I don't know how to describe this feeling I am having but I just keep having this thought.
Since the day I was born, I started living with my auntie who is my mother's second sister. My parents they were too busy to take care of me so I only get to go back my own home during the weekends. I don't know how or when I started calling my auntie mummy and 19 years later I am still calling her that. Ever since I got home, I turned from a obedient child to a slowly rebellious child. A lot of freedom was given to me. Still my parents, they were just too busy for me. My 3 elder sisters? One by one they began to turn astray. I felt just like a stranger in my own home. No one bothers what I am doing. When I have injuries or I have problems in school, I just kept it to myself. Up till now, it is still like that. When I have no money to eat or whatever problems I have I just kept quiet. It has become a habit already, maybe because I looked ok all the time thats why my parents never worry too much about me. Maybe they felt guilty or they didn't dare to ever ask about me. I don't know.... I feel so alone at times but somehow I got used to this independence. Thank God for being who He is, that I am still going strong today.
I am sick of the present me. Don't know how to care for someone, don't know how to love someone, don't know how to praise someone. To me whatever great things someone boast about himself or herself to me I would just said
"s o what?" When somebody else would probabbly say "Well Done".
I don't dare , I just don't dare to love someone.....to get into relationships... and I am not sure someone would ever consider me as an ideal partner.
I just feel like erasing everything and start learning everything again.....
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