A lot of questions running through my mind. Questions that only I have the answer but yet I do not know the answers. To all who are concerned and praying for my aunt. She is going through operation now, to insert something into her arm so to facilitate the withdrawing of blood from her in future easily. It has to be done because they can't find her veins anymore. Its a small operation but ,still lets pray she will be fine.
Its Aug 17 already. I have 7-8 weeks more to go. I am quite ready to go in. What I really can't let go is once I am in , its hard for me to know how is my aunt and her condition. Doctor says she has 1 or 2 years. Of cos by faith I believe that it would be more than that. Yet, what if it is during this 2 years? Would I be able to take it? I sort of had a glimpse of what it could be like months ago. I couldn't take it. Will I ,2 years later? When I'm just about to go into university. How would my life change? Will she at least survive till the day I have my own family which is what I really hoped for. At least for her to see me settle down.
There are also questions like what I really want to do after NS? SIM? Overseas? Career path? Should my cousin really send me to Australia, would I be able to be independent?
I am just running away from these questions everyday. I know I had to wake up one day. I would try from today.
Still on the positive note, I have made up my mind on some issues. Like getting a car. I reckon I should pay for it myself since it is my selfish desire. While many would continue to ask why I am not driving yet, this will continue to be my answer. My parents are old, and I don't think its nice to get them into such unnecessary debts from the loans. If my cousin decided to buy an off peak car for me, of cos I wouldn't reject her blessing. She knows whats best for me... yupz... no doubt about it. If she says I can only have that.. I would have that. Meanwhile I am not pinning too much hope on it. The license is there so that whenever there is a need I can put it to use. Some much happened the past months. I think in certain sense I have grown. Not taking things or people for granted and I guess I have grown to be more practical. Damn glad that I am starting to know me. I haven't really know what kind of person I am like. Don't want to be a pampered child anymore. I want to work towards independence...
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