－ 卡爾絲玻利亞的回憶 －

Read through some of the entries of 2010.

It was a year of transition and repeating process of falling down and trying to stand up.
The begining of 2010, recovery process of the big bomb from 2009 gradually accepting the fact that my Godmother is sick and might one day leave anytime. Then come the struggles that arises from army. Me getting into guards and all the unfairness I face in unit life. I shall not repeat the complaints I have written since march. The fact that I am a guardsmen medic have sunk in.

Ever since I lost all my songs, I have been looking for this song. Unfortunately the only user on youtube that has it have deleted it.. I am just so so glad that I left a backup of it online somewhere and only realizes it now...

Gone- Sun Ho.

I think, despite some hiccups this year was my best Christmas yet. From the Christmas shopping to the celebration, i think this is the first time I go through the wholeness process of Christmas.

The shopping was a headache and slight heartache on the money side but... I feel that the joy of giving and seeing the 'wow' face when the person receives the gift is priceless. Buying gifts for someone means that you have to think of what the person likes needs or wants, it kinda lead you into remembering the blessing and things you went through with that person. Eventually you become thankful.

I think the most satisfying present I bought is the one for my Mum and Godmother. Seeing how much they like the gifts I feel great. After what I went through the past 2 years, I think I have learnt to not take people for granted easily. That is why I am willing to give.

Do not think it weird why it ain't the same anymore.

We all moved on and we are no longer on the same page anymore.

I've decided to stop rushing through the pages to catch you but to endure the slowly turning pages now.

Next year mama going to try on new drugs cos the current one losing its effect or sth like that. Heard its gonna be very expensive. At this time how I really wish I can contribute or do something. I feel so useless.

She also shared with me that how the doctor was amazed at her.

You know most of the pain doesn't come from the cancer itself. It comes from the treatment, the chemotherapy. You lose your appetite, its painful beyond that you lose your hair. Its pain physically, mentally and financially. Yet my aunt said she didn't feel any of these during treatment at all just that she feels tired easily. When I hear her say this I knew it was God's favour on me and her.

Relationship with one another is never easy. In a clique or just between 2 person. Give and Take. Its a 2 way traffic.

I never like having to make the decision to let go of anyone yet sometimes its difficult to hold everything together. This much that I'm willing to do I hope is enough

to keep this 8 years relationship going on. All I want this Christmas, is for us to come together and celebrate this anniversary.

Ps: Today, I was able to enjoy service better. After sharing and letting go of those emotions I was able to feel God more. A million thanks to you :)

Feeling better now but, looking at what lies ahead, I still feel that 'stress'. When I close my eyes and open them again, its the day I book in. Thus far there has never been a time when I look forward to that.

I am really tired. Disconnected. Maybe disappointed.

I don't know how I slump into these on off depression mode.
It is so easy to stay trapped in that sea of negative thoughts.
Maybe I'm just too tired, maybe I'm just too insecure maybe I am just too eager to get back my civilian life.

Every second the world is changing. Change it comes everyday. Around you or even you yourself.

We have all changed. At some point we might have been on the same page but now it just seemed like I have stopped somewhere and you have moved elsewhere. I am not sure what phase I am going through. What change I myself am facing. All I know now is that I am extremely uncomfortable in this time stamp now.

When that clown is gone and all has died down, I feel empty again.

終于感知道它的意識。。。。

2005 的作品

Night Attack

It seem like a horror movie that play throughout the night till first light. Being in it, I trembled when I woke up. Thank God for mp3 and I prayed before going back to sleep again. I was worried. Worried that something happened while I was away and it was just the second night. My heart only come to a total rest when my cousin told me nothing happened at home and she will pray for me. That haunting never come again.

Chickenpox Fear

Even before I leave for it, I am already visualizing the day I come back. I kinda not sure why I dread it so much. Maybe is the really cui living condition? Or maybe its the super turn off 2 by 1 botak haircut?  I am so so so worried... Cos I didn't follow the rule. I really hope that 22 days later I can blog and say I came back without any punishments! I got one last chance and should I take it? ? ? to cut it at the airport's speed cut????

Nahh...

I am so used to being a civilian the past few days. I went back to TP today and omg somehow I feel so out of place there even though I dressed quite youthfy dupey. Haiz... yuan lai 18 years old and 21 years old zhen de yo difference de. --_-- . They look more kiddish. 

I guess. Its good that sometimes we think far and think much.

I know I am slow but I realized that I could only take 1 step at a time, a day at a time. I can't stop slow them down or rush them up.

I ripped this off somewhere... Easy to understand :)

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"

How would I leave 4 days later?

What would happen 26 days later?

Not being emo here but I really wanna know how I should face the things that are happening around. Whats the purpose?