－ 卡爾絲玻利亞的回憶 －

害怕。。。

心裏有一種莫名的害怕。害怕我將會失去什么東西。這種感覺好吃力。
每個星期聽到不好的事情那害怕又多了一些。

I ended '09 shattering myself and I start '10 trying to put the shattered pieces together. What a Joke.
I don't feel like myself anymore. I feel like an alien struggling to find somewhere I can belong.

"When we live outside of healthy community, we not only lose others but we lose ourselves
because we are not created to be alone.."

I think I've been an a$$ all these time for never taking the initiative to meet up my friends again. I guess that explains why the emptyness in me sometimes, simply because I have been disconnecting from people and I'm slowly becoming a weirdo that always thinks of weird weird stuff and theories..Snap snap, I need to get out of this.

" The soul is always craving for something... and when you don't know what it is asking for
.... "

"I can't count how many times
You saved me
How many times you picked me up

“ 可怜 善变 虚伪 的世界。。。 "

Another day passed. I'm not sure the holiday is doing me harm or good. The process of having to adapt to a new place going to start soon.
Coming to the end of 2009, it is always good to do some reflection. Looking through the events that happened, feelings that I penned down ....So much has happened.. I think I have changed some bit... good or bad I am not so sure but definitely stronger. Take today for example, was playing badminton with my usual cliques. I would be quite pissed off with myself last time for losing and in my entries I would always blame it on my competitive nature. I lost a lot of matches today, but...i don't really have any hard feelings from that, all the sarcastic jokes didn't seem so damaging now. Looking at the past... I seemed so childish.

Chips + Drinks + Favourite Spot in front of the sea + MP3 = Heaven....

Its always so peaceful sitting in front of the boundless sea. All your worries and problems seemed to be swept away by the wind.. At least for that moment. My head is clearer now....

feel like nothing today..
feel breathless today...

After a fast paced week at tekong.
Suddenly the slow pace of civilian life made me felt so lost..
I've no idea what I want to do next...

Absence makes the heart either

grow fonder

Sunday was a long long day.
Woke up exceptionally early to go breakfast with my cousin and aunty. Didn't expect them to go ION. I was a in a Mickey Tee, Converse board shorts and slippers... -_-"  Power. I tried to put on a comfortable look. Ya I think Botak is no longer a big problem anymore since I can wear so cui and walk around ION in comfort.

Gathering with
Melvin, Raven ..... (Done)
Fadihlah(Done)

為什麼

你的笑話明明不好笑我還要逼自己笑

為什麼

你自己都放棄了我還那麼堅持

I never win you , never will.
Neither can I hide from you, never can I..

I know the reasons behind all these.

I think I'll feel e full effect tmr....

Poor mp3, struggling to stay alive... and the last thing it did for me was to stay alive long enough for me to transfer the data to my com...

I tried all I can but nothing I do can revive my mp3(4yrs). Every now and then it would start on its own but not lasting for more than 2 seconds. My negliance caused the misfortune. Putting it in my pocket and forgetting to take it out when I send the pants for washing. The moment I confirmed it was dead, my mind go blank.... My companion I spent more time with  than any human being I know of..... GONE! .. All those songs that marks every memory I have...gone as well..
God, I knew I asked for a brainwash but I never knew it would be in this way....
What am I gonna do ?!

今天我想了很久也終於決定了。。。
我不會有想要和你聯絡的念頭了。以前當你說要出來見面我都會很期待。有很多東西想和你說。 但這幾年有提到要出來卻没做到。對你而言重要的是〝我們要做什麼〝， 而我是〝有誰去〝？你能明白嗎？ 只要那個人能和你談得來不管做什麼都會好玩。。。而不用因為想不到要做什麼有趣的事就不見面。我不想再像 傻瓜那樣傻傻的等和期待。。。
我簡單的快樂不適合 你，你也不會有興趣。 我們應該會很久很久才會有個共同的興趣。。。